.

tell me what do you do when it all falls apart

if only

found this in one of my very very old poetry books .

how do i love thee. let me count the ways - elizabeth barret browning

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with a passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints, --- I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! --- and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

how i miss the days of doing lit. roars. chem and bio were pains in my arse. i'm just not a sci person -.- ah wells. math tmr. haha, i'm not having high hopes. haven't really put in a lot of effort. shrugs. pissed off at my math tutor. and bad grades this time isn't gonna make her any happier. blearghs.

spain lost to france ): no more torres. no more raul. and they were playing so much better! gahh. so now i've only got england and portugal left to support, and one of em's going out on sat cos they're playing each other. wonderful. stupid fifa. hah, jun wee and i were so upset last night :p i stayed up to watch. grins. then went to sch without slping today. sheesh. and stupid jeremy had to rub it in.

yayy. last paper tmr. so i'm free after tmr :D hee. shopping time! so many overdue shopping trips. fun fun fun.

i wish you could say all you wanted was for me to be happy.

i lift my heart up solemnly - elizabeth barret browning

I lift my heavy heart up solemnly,
As once Electra her sepulchral urn,
And, looking in thine eyes, I overturn
The ashes at thy feet. Behold and see
What a great heap of grief lay hid in me,
And how the red wild sparkles dimly burn
Through the ashen greyness. If thy foot in scorn
Could tread them out to darkness utterly,
It might be well perhaps. But if instead
Thou wait beside me for the wind to blow
The grey dust up, . . . those laurels on thine head,
O my Belovèd, will not shield thee so,
That none of all the fires shall scorch and shred
The hair beneath. Stand farther off then! go.

: jie kou :: jay chou :
angsty chi song. haha.

screw cts

whahahaha. my darling teams proved stupid yi peng wrong last night :p both won. hee. england vs ecuador 1-0, and portugal vs holland 1-0. heeeheee. and he was saying holland was gonna win. nyeh heh heh heh. but i hate holland. growls. esp the bastardly bouhlacruhz. or however you spell his name -.- he kicked my darling cristiano in the thigh!!! and he had to be substituted 30 mins into e game! wails. if he can't play the game. i'll curse that asshole to hell. hmmphs ): my poor cristiano was so sad. makes you just want to hug him. hehe. but i'm gonna be in such a bloody dilemna in e next match -.- my two fav teams against each other in a knock out match. great. but the portugal match yesterday was hilarious. 20 cards were issued la 0_o 4 red. madness. deco was sent off, so bigggg prob for portugal next match. and like 5 ppl have yellows or smthing. sheesh. bloody dutch la. all their fault. hmmphs. only dutch player i like is like van der saar(sar?) and that's cos he plays for man u. haha. warped logic. but then again, whoever said i was rational :p

ooh. saw brooklyn in the crowds yesterday during the england match. so cute (: hahaha. he's gonna grow up to be gorgeous. grins.


another absolute cutie (: haha. maddox. excuse my paedophilic tendencies.
i'm so not in e mood to study -.- roars. it be amazing if i don't fail. but i don't want chem remedial again. hmmphs. haha. its world cup all the way (:

: ge qian :: jay chou :

we're all in this together (:

eeee. i love high school musical (: ahahaha. cliche, corny, but oh so cute and lovely. hahaha. doesn't hurt that zac efron's yummy, and vanessa hudgen's gorgeous. haha.

very pretty ppl (: hahaha. he has funky hair and gorgeous eyes. grins. go watch go watch. its replaying next sat/sun. hehee. this has totally made my day. which is getting increasingly hard to do -.-

i'm so not looking forward to going back to school. back to jail. i like seeing mel, suefaye, jeremy and junwee. but sometimes, the annoying shite outweighs all e gd. shrugs.

: breaking free :: zac efron & vanessa hudgens :

the dark nights.

(: much love to all my darlings who have had their ears worn out over e past few months from me going on and on abt what happened, and to all those who had to suffer my horrid moods. haha. esp mel, ming and angie.

high school musical tonight on disney channel :D everyone watch watch. hehe, the main song's our dance night theme song, and e opening item song. whee. i must stop myself from dancing everytime i hear that song (: such wonderful memories. hehee.

czech's out ): roars. i hate italy. i hope argentina will thrash germany. and torres is getting cuter each time i see him (: hahaha. england tonighhhhttt. whee (: i'm so not concerned abt cts -.- mind's all wrapped arnd the worldcup.

i think i finally understand why i like the night so much now. there's no one around to pull me out from my thoughts and memories. so i just let them swirl round me, keeping me locked in a happy time in the past. i think that's what i connect you with, the darkness. so deep and unfathomable. mysterious. surrounding me. engulfing me.

i'm stumbling over the rocky path. but i'm moving foward. i hope.

: night air :: teddy geiger :

goodbye and hello

and you ppl say i'm emo and angsty -.- gee. take a look arnd.

i like being cryptic. haha. i can say what i want to say, abt how i feel yada yada, and not having e whole world know really what's going on. and the guesses ppl come up with to fill in the blanks are rather amusing sometimes. hah.

i'm walking down my own path now. a path away from you. a path of my own. i'm gonna do things for myself now. i'm rebuilding the walls. higher than before. no one's allowed in there anymore. and unless you (and only you) take the effort and follow my path, knock down my walls, you're shut off from my world too. i'm tired of going round in circles, drownin myself in the memories, despite them being beautiful and happy. anything overused will get worn sooner or later, and i don't want to reach that stage where they can no longer bring me the comfort and joy.

so this is it. i guess. i'm not moving onto better things, i'm just doing smthing for my future, instead of my past.

with me and you, it was never simple was it. it always had to be complicated.

thank you for everything.

it'll always be you

locking up and throwing the key away.

: gentleman :: teddy geiger :

time

i've always wondered if there's a time for everything. like why can't we do certain stuff till we are older? or why can't we understand certain things till we are older? does a few months or a yr really make us mature that much? shrugs. older ppl like to tell us that you grow wiser as you age and all the emotions and feelings we have now aren't real, cos we're just too young to understand what's real yet. but seriously, i think that's bullshit. just cos we're young doesn't mean we don't know friendship or love.. seriously double standards. like if a teen sacrifices smthing impt for someone she loves, that's foolishness. yet when women sacrifice their careers for their families, that's noble. -.- bah.

i admit that with age, comes experience and with experience comes knowledge. but you can't just dismiss everything we feel just because we're young. we have strong feelings and emotions too. and who are you to say its not real? when you are not in my position and gone through it.

hah. so i follow my heart. as cliche as it sounds (: i believe what i'm feeling is real. all the emotions, albeit mixed and confused, are real, and its not just a passing thing. and i will hold on as long as i can, till i reach the point where either i am too jaded to believe anymore, or there's just nothing left. whichever comes first.

its pouring outside. there'll be no sunset to watch this morning. comforting.

constant contact doesn't equal lack of feelings, but neither does it equal abundance of it. haha.

hugs to wenxin. we're walking down the same path dear (: just hang on in there.





i dream

i hope

i wish

for a moment that my heart can be at peace

: come away :: norah jones :

dance the night away (:

I can't get out of bed today

Or get you off my mind

I just can't seem to find a way

To leave the love behind

I ain't trippin

I'm just missing (you)

You know what I'm saying

You know what I mean

You kept me hanging on a string

While you made me cry

I tried to give you everything

But you just gave me lies

I ain't trippin

I'm just missing (you)

You know what I'm saying

You know what I mean (yeah)

Every now and then

When I'm all alone

I be wishing you will call me on the telephone

Say you want me back

But you never do

I feel like such a fool

There's nothing I can do..

I'm such a fool

For you

I can't take it

What am I waiting for?

My heart's still breaking

I miss you even more

And I can't fake it

The way I could before

I hate you, but I love you

I can't stop thinking of you.

It's true I'm stuck on you

Now love's a broken record that's

Been skipping in my head

I keep singing "Yesterday"

Why we got to play these games we play?

smirks.

i'm blind as a bloody bat -.-

whooopeee. i'm going for rapture :D big thanks big thanks. heheeeee (: that means i watch all e major dance nights, and i can finally see wats sa's dance night is all abt this yr.

ac fashion show at zouk was rather impressive. haha (y) to my darling viola and yi jing (: did e rj dancers proud. haha. viola was phwoar. grins. yayyy. met yi peng. made the night abit more interesting. hahaha. i've missed the nonsensing arnd. heh. pics i'll upload tmr. thanks to denise for everything. haha, had a great time. grins, all the boys dancing was hilarious. esp nigel and leslie when 'sway' came on. haha. but i can't get e smell of smoke out of my hair now. growls.

decided against going to leah's hse to watch e holland and argentina match. haha, very sleepy, so went home so at least i can fall aslp on my couch if i want to :p roars. slept only a few hours today. heh.

all in all tonight was nice (: but if only. hah.

thunder and lightning now. its gonna pour soon. how i love the rain (: suits my mood, sooths my soul. makes everything a lil better. haha.

: stuck :: stacey orrico :

pounding headache.

groans. my head is splitting apart.

anyway, last night was absolutely lovely (: the dinner and drinks with ming, stef and seto, celebrating seto's bday. hee. and then smthing special after that. left me grinning like a mad arse. had dinner at glutton's bay. then went to fullerton for drinks. haha. i like post bar, its not crowded and we got to watch football. whoopee.

stef, me, seto and ming (:

my darling mingkie poo and i.

anywayyy, ac's having this fashion show tmr at zouk. hahaha, and viola's going to be modelling the dress i made for rproject :D cool monkeys. yep yep, so if u're free do go down and support. whoopee.

i really hope its permanent. and not temporary.



i miss that feeling.

: look where we are now :: teddy geiger :
he has the most beautiful eyes. haha.

comfort

last night's match was heart-stopping -.- i was on e verge of bawling. hahaha. but england won 2-0. wheeee. was so funny, ming and i were screaming so incoherently on the phone to each other. she would go 'gerrad gerrad gerraaadddddddddddd!!! myyyyy gerraaaddddd!' and i would go 'ENGLAAAANDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!! YAYYYYYYY WHEEEEEEEEEE WOOHOOOOOOOO!' it was hilarious. grins. and i dunno why, as silly as it sounds, and as insignificant as it seems, it just made me love my mingkie poo even more (: few ppl understand me like ming. I LOVE YOU MING! hahaha.

haha. i realised last night i missed hk so much ): i haven't talked or seen char in ages. at least there's still justin and yi peng (who still owes me ALOT of presents. -glares). hahaha, last night messaging session was rather amusing. abt all e rumours and shite. and future plans. i miss my dear friends. justin and i were betting e england match last night, and i finally won a bet :p so now e tally stands at 1-1.

i haven't been this happy in quite awhile (: and its nice.

was looking through friendster. and seeing how much all my old friends have grown up and changed. makes me feel rather nostalgic and old too. haha.

stef and ming at my 15th bday party. grins. earlobes!

yipeng, justin, borong and chee guan gaying arnd at hk. hahaha (: silver.

the ah bengs of 308. grins.

meliguay, rach and i (:

one of my fav neoprints (: at my old hse. amanda, dee, rach and i. haha.

cleo and i. then dee, cleo and i. haha. my two gorgeous girls. (:

rg gym team 2001. haha. i miss so many of em ): pinky, emily, janice, grace, cheryl, vanessa, huiru, audrey, KAYLI. haha.

the relay runners for 202. steph, dee, jac, rach, amanda, ming and i.

being the neoprint & photowhore that i am. i've got a million more pics, but i think this is enough reminiscing for a day (:

i wish it was so easy to live in e present, instead of the past.

: wu fa kai kou :: william su :

yummy (:

i have a new fav drama serial (: green forest, my home. tw drama serial. i likeeee. [this is e result of being a hermit. heh] hahaha, and it doesn't hurt that the guy (owen) is so deliciously handsome. grins. even my maid is following the show -.- the girl is rather annoying sometimes, screechy and all, but ethan ruan jing tian (tts e actor playing owen) makes up for all that. teeheehee. (y)



yummy goodiness (:

my notes are covered with 'hello there, the angel from my nightmare'. haha. i'm sure mel's notes are too. i doodle on em all e time (:

: scratch :: kendall payne :

fate

the door never did open.

can't say i didn't expect it. i hoped for more. but i guess it just isn't meant to be. and its kinda hard to swallow. it felt so strong. so real. i'm just waiting for someone to say 'i told you so'. playing with fire, only gets you burnt.

resigned to fate.

had a dream last night. it felt like everything i've been feeling the past few days had been cramped into that one dream. rather disturbing. but the worst part was the detachment i felt in watching all the things unfold.

i like television. it doesn't require interaction. i can just stare at it for the whole day and never have to say a word. hah.

i can't wait for next yr to come. for my life to start anew again.

I wanna have the same last dream again
The one where I wake up and I'm alive
Just as the four walls close me within
My eyes are open up with pure sunlight
I'm the first to know
My dearest friends
Even if your hope has burned with time
Anything that is dead shall be re-grown
And your vicious pain, your warning sign
You will be fine

Hey oh here I am
And here we go
Life’s waiting to begin

Any type of love it will be shown
Like every single tree reach for the sky
if you're gonna fall
i'll let you know
that i will pick you up
like you for i
i felt this thing
i can't replace
when everyone was working for this goal
where all the children left without a trace
only to come back as pure as gold
to recite this all

Hey oh here I am
And here we go
Life’s waiting to begin
Tonight
Hey oh here I am
And here we go
Life’s waiting to begin
Tonight
Hey oh here I am
And here we go
Life’s waiting to begin

I can not live
I can’t breathe
Unless you do this with me
I can not live
I can’t breathe
Unless you do this with me
I can not live
I can’t breathe
Unless you do this with me
I can not live
I can’t breathe
Unless you do this with me
I can not live
I can’t breathe
Unless you do this with me
I can not live
I can’t breathe
Unless you do this with me

Hey oh, here I am (do this with me)
Here we go
life's waiting to begin (do this with me)
Hey oh, here I am (do this with me)
Here we go
life's waiting to begin
life's waiting to begin 

: the adventure :: angels and airwaves :

late nights

hahaha. i've been watching almost every single worldcup match :p goodbye cts. so much for studying. hah. but how can i miss it. exciting football, hot guys. grins. i like. my mum and i are like glued to the tv from 9 onwards. sheesh.

czech won 3-0! wooohoo. but poor japan. haha, that match was 0_o yep yep, anyway,go england, czech republic and portugal! (:

england (: haha. david beckham. he's been playing really well lately (: so yay for england. haha.


milan baros and pavel nedved (: hehehee. my two darlings of e czech team. i rmb back in sec4, during e euro 2004, pony and i would come to sch half awake and then start gushing abt nedved and baros respectively. hahaha. i rmb she loved raul. ming too.


and my absolute :D hahaha. cristiano ronaldo (: yummy goodiness. whoopee. i like my men fast and dangerous. hah.

despite the hot guys. i really really watch e football ok :p

: sailed on :: landon pigg :

roars.

i like being anti-social (: hermit. haha, just lying on my couch e whole day watching e day go by, watching the skies. i have this obsession with the sky i think 0_o stars, moon, clouds, sunsets. haha.

just realised chi songs have this angst in em that english songs just can't achieve. grins. esp jay chou. haha. he sounds permanently sad. which reminds me of that night at stef's bday dinner, and i brought my ipod for music. it was supposed to be a happy 'romantic' dinner, but i couldn't find many happy songs in my ipod -.- haha. they're all e angsty, melancholic, depressing kinda songs. and so we ended up listening to disney songs (y) high school musical (: haha.

i miss mel, suefaye, jeremy and junwee ): plus the dancers = angie, cat, krist, goldfish, viola and everyone. pouts. i want to dance!

kaleni's being an absolute darling and helping me buy stuff in us (: hahaha. yay.

: shan hu hai :: jay chou :

won't you just forget the world?

Honey you are a rock
Upon which I stand
And I come here to talk
I hope you understand

That green eyes, yeah the spotlight, shines upon you
And how could, anybody, deny you

I came here with a load
And it feels so much lighter, now I’ve met you
And honey you should know, that I could never go on without you.

green eyes - coldplay. lovely song.

i like the nights. where i'm surrounded by darkness. just withdrawing into the shadows. where no one can see, and i can put down everything. its really tiring holding everything up all the time. i'm a creature of e night. hah.

england won (: i'm happy.

sometimes when everything is just swirling into this big mess that is your life, a hand that extends through the chaos can lead you out of it, and let you continue moving on. but it won't get the mess to stop swirling, or for you to look forward.

but still. i'm grateful.

it was a nice cold rainy day today (: just watching the rain come down the windows.


If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

chasing cars - snow patrol

: chasing cars :: snow patrol :

football fever begins.

hello interdependent (:

half-time now of e opening match of worldcup. germany vs costa rica. the german footballers are some ugly bastards :p hahaha. can tell i don't like germany one bit. except maybe lahm. but costa rica's fighting so hard ): their goal keeper looks like a gnome. haha. and wanchope's good! haha. i hope either costa rica wins (which seems rather unlikely), ties or only loses by 1 goal (since my bet with justin is that they only lose by 1 goal. he says they'll lose by 2 :p)

support england tmr (: 9pm! hee. i tell you i must have been english in my past life. i have this attraction to anything english. esp british lads with their adorable accents. grins. and cambridge.

locking up now.

: run :: snow patrol :

the door

[edit] owen reminds me of a certain someone. maybe hence my obsession.[/edit]

i rmb a scene in grey's anatomy. after meredith told derek to pick her, instead of going back to his wife. and he was to come to the bar if he picked her. and she sat in the bar. waiting. the whole night, watching the door the whole time. and everytime the door opened or the bell tinkled, her heart would give a little skip, and she'd look. hoping it was derek.

familiar feeling.

: chasing cars :: snow patrol :

with a load.

forbidden memories of a love long lost.

rmb the feeling you sometimes get of your heart clenching when you watch a sad movie, and there's this aching empty feeling inside. like there's a bottomless pit that can never be filled.

floating aimlessly. waiting for someone to point me in a direction.

i wish. i wish..

: green eyes :: coldplay :

hermit

hermit the crab went out today -.-

haha. yep. that's me. i've been cooping myself in my home every since e hols started, except for phuket. and i really really like it cos the nights blend into the days, and i finally have the time to just sit and think. which of course leads to problems. but then again i can confine myself to a space where only the ppl i like are allowed in. hah.

anyway. phuket. was great. really. its like there was no concept of time? we didn't have deadlines or limits, we just did what we wanted, when we wanted. and the 3 days really felt like a lifetime. it was so good. the sea was beautiful, e resort was heavenly. haha. i loved it (: and it was like a world apart from spore which made it all e more better. (y) oh yarh, i had a ride on e elephants. grins. rather interesting. my mum was yelping like mad throughout the whole thing -.- but my elephant was so cute, it had big flappy ears. haha. like dumbo. grins. ooh. and i watched love story in e resort. was so sweet and sad. plus witty dialogue. i love it :D haha. had my mum and i bawling like mad. like an old version of a walk to remember. just wayyy less cheesier.

the view from the pool (: gorgeous.

the view from this local seafood restaurant. yummy seafood. and that's me walking towards e sea. haha.

mummy and i on the elephant. hahaha.

happy birthday steffish darling (: -bites earlobe-

yep yep. celebrated stef's bday today, well yesterday. we (ming, rach, seto and i) dressed up as boys. haha, stereotypical boys. jock, nerd, ah beng and preppy in that order. and got stef to come in very girly stuff. heee. and we proceeded to spend e night wooing/seducing her. hahaha. it was hilarious. we nearly smoked ourselves to death trying to do the sparklers heart -.- which failed miserably. haha, then we had yummy food (which i cooked! :p). and we proposed to stef!!! with a ring, flowers and all. the serenading too. grins. which was like cats screeching. haha, but you can't say we didn't try. we all have a ring each, with our initials inside (: we're married to each other. hahaha. oh yarh, the cockroaches and ants scared e shite out of us -.- we were screaming and hopping everywhere. but it was so nice. and happy. esp the last part where we just sat on e swings and talked. haha. i love my stef (:
4 boys and a girl.


i was feeling rather jaded and tired of everything the past few weeks, but its moments like these you feel like sometimes there are things worth living for. like christmas. hahaha. just watched grey's anatomy where they were having xmas. i just miss that feeling. sighs.

when it comes to the point you don't talk at all for months. or you try and avoid me. pretend i don't exist. its really pathetic and sad eh. how did everything end up like this. just makes everything nice warm and fuzzy in me freeze up.

: a love that will last :: renee olstead :

paradise

heyho (: i'm in phuket. omg. i've died and gone to heaven. haha. trisara (e resort) is absolutely gorgeous. we've got this little villa with a small pool and when i wake up in e morning, e very first thing i see is e ocean. its beautiful (: hahaha.

and its rather high-tech. ipod docks in every villa, and they have like this whole cd collection that they'll upload for you into your cd if you want. and also mini ipods for rent. haha. cool monkeys eh. grins. alright. i'll blog more when i get back (: ciao!

up up and away.

a pic i just uploaded. heh. dance club 2006 exco. missing my darling spinkie though ):

roars. i'm sorry for all the problems today ): guilty. will do my best to make up once i get back from phuket. which i'm leaving for at 7 am tmr morning. goodness. insane flight. and i'll be back on sunday (y)

anyway. dinner was lovely. at au jardin. i just love that place (: my parents loved the cake. it was really good. made up for the bitchy ppl at canale. hmmphs.


my parents and i at dinner (:


the beautiful beautiful cake. hee. the heart's made of chocolate and spray painted with food colouring. yummy goodiness.

yepp. anyway, i'm off to sunny paradise. at least i hope it is. sunny that is. spa galore (: and away from this god forsaken bloody hell pit. -.- yay for a few days. haha.

best of luck to all e ppl taking their SATS (: rach, stef, mel and i think matt. don't stress (directed at you know who. winks.)

: eskimo :: damien rice :